Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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