as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
