Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
