I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Too much gin, very little bucket
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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