I should be sponsored by Trojan
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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