Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
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I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
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He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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