Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
