ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
