do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
