Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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