So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
