Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
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There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
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He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
The air taste purple.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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