I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
