Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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