I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You left your phone here
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