hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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