Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
