why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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