Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
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