So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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