True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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