I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
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