whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
