Where is the hickey?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
