apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
