He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
