Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
