i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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