Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
