just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
