It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
she smelled like a LAN party
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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