My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
