I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
