You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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