Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
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What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
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They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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