Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
pop tarts are not kleenex
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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