i just google imaged poop.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
