i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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