At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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