guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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