Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
God, I missed his penis.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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