Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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