I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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