Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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