Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The struggles of a small town man whore
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Randomize
