Im at strip club and am horny
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
