I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You have to summon your inner elephant
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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