at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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