please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
