...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
