I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
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What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
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You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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