I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
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