I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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