best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
