I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
