Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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