I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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