Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
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