sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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