Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Randomize
