So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
false alarm, still single
Randomize
