Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
