So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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