he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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