I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
