She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
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I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
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I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
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