When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.