i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.