Texts From Last Night

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  (253): View more from Washington

  I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.

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  (253): I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you. http://tfl.nu/clvu
  Replies (17) Good night (2667) Bad night (710)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis

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  (734): turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis http://tfl.nu/zgff
  Replies (64) Good night (7966) Bad night (777)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"

  (541): View more from Oregon

  dude.

  (503): View more from Oregon

  yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.

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  (503): this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor" (541): dude. (503): yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating. http://tfl.nu/t5uc
  Replies (21) Good night (830) Bad night (3842)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic

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  (512): Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic http://tfl.nu/ja5d
  Replies (16) Good night (4985) Bad night (627)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark

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  (815): You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark http://tfl.nu/4we1
  Replies (56) Good night (6114) Bad night (801)
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  (224): View more from Illinois

  Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze

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  (224): Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze http://tfl.nu/j7ix
  Replies (14) Good night (5244) Bad night (1087)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.

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  (850): I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end. http://tfl.nu/6dki
  Replies (5) Good night (2677) Bad night (927)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency

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  (253): These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency http://tfl.nu/qlw6
  Replies (18) Good night (2876) Bad night (1140)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol

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  (513): Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol http://tfl.nu/0mrj
  Replies (2) Good night (2675) Bad night (691)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I hate when that happens

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  (717): Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again (443): I hate when that happens http://tfl.nu/8tar
  Replies (2) Good night (1581) Bad night (1105)
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  (909): View more from California

  Every concussion has its silver lining

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  (909): Every concussion has its silver lining http://tfl.nu/a47p
  Replies (8) Good night (919) Bad night (668)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!

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  (904): I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms! http://tfl.nu/g8iv
  Replies (3) Good night (1043) Bad night (634)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.

  (1-706): View more from Georgia

  You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Touche.

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  (706): To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid. (1-706): You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man. (706): Touche. http://tfl.nu/xj0m
  Replies (4) Good night (942) Bad night (376)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?

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  (720): Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps? http://tfl.nu/e9bv
  Replies (3) Good night (776) Bad night (216)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.

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  (360): Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits. http://tfl.nu/3dqo
  Replies (5) Good night (1355) Bad night (232)

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