Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.