since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
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The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
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He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"