every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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