At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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