As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
