So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
