My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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