1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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