My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
