It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
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the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
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I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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