take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
my liver is dry heaving
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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