Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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