Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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