You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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