She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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