Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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