just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Just took my morning after pill in the library
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
