one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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