Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
