guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
