Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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