My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
